You Can’t Change Person You Love

You Can’t Change Person You Love

Do not spend years of your life trying to correct with your love a person who does not want to change. His journey is only his choice …

The human brain does an incredible job of idealizing other people. When we first meet a person whom we consider attractive, a firework explodes in our heads and we begin to look at it through pink lenses.

The image of this person in consciousness is forming more and more, and, in the end, we only have one word that we can describe him: “Perfect.” In our magical world in which we live during our honeymoon, there is not a single thing that can destroy the image we created.

In the end, the novelty inevitably disappears, and we begin to see a partner on the other hand. Gradually, all the roughness of his personality appears. Those red flags that were previously dismissed begin to look more and more like emergency lights.

You Can’t Change Person You Love

His behavior, which you would close your eyes just a few months ago, is causing more and more concern. You finally begin to understand that a partner has real flaws that are already paving their way into your ideal world, which until recently seemed so perfect.

It’s true – one of the stages of any healthy relationship is to get out of the initial, exciting phase and accept the partner’s shortcomings and habits. But what happens when you realize that a loved one is someone worse than just a person with disabilities? What happens when you appear, so to speak, an “absolute violator of the transaction”?

It is very difficult to let go of the person who was the embodiment of the dream of perfection, so it seems to us that everything can be fixed. We tell ourselves that as long as this person loves us, he will be ready to make every effort to maintain relations. And for our part, we can help him do everything as best as possible, be better and correct what is wrong.

You Can’t Change Person You Love

Of course, love is one of the most important things that we have the happiness to experience during our short life. This is what makes our existence meaningful and worthy. But in the end, this is not enough. You can devote all of yourself to another person, loving him without memory, and yet this will not be enough to maintain a relationship. The love you feel does not correlate with how well he will treat you. You can try your best and work for him and your relationship, but if the efforts are not mutual, nothing will change.

It is very difficult not to take these facts to heart. It may make you feel that something is wrong with you. You will wonder why he does not love you enough to try to get better for you. In those moments when you begin to blame yourself, remember that your love is not able to make him the personality that you want to see him.

You can do everything in your power to try to become an ideal partner, but this will never be enough if the other person is not ready to change.

Stop for a minute and think about how difficult it is to change yourself. Once you accept this reality, you will see how small your chances are of changing others. Change is difficult, it is inconvenient, and no one will voluntarily subject themselves to this process unless there is a sincere desire to change themselves inside.

You Can’t Change Person You Love

Understand that he is not you. It’s not that you were not beautiful enough, patient enough, not gentle enough, or anything else that you blame yourself on there. There is nothing in the world that you can do to make another change if he does not want it. And this is absolutely not your fault.

Do not spend years of your life trying to correct with your love a person who does not want to change. His journey is only his choice, just as your life path is your choice.

Instead of trying to change it, focus on your life and the changes you want to make for yourself. Take all the love that was given to the wrong person, and direct it to your side.

Do not focus on making others what they are, or at least not what they are not yet ready to be. Focus on who you want to become. Remember that your love is too valuable. You cannot make someone love you the way you want, but you can start to love yourself more and give yourself everything that the other person could not give you.

Give yourself everything that you expected from the wrong person to please yourself – until you meet someone who, just like you, strives to become better in a relationship.