6 types of relationships in which we deceive ourselves
Such relationships do not just destroy you but also make you unhappy. If you think about it, they do not exist at all.
Emotions are not laws of physics or mathematical formulas that can be explained and proved. Emotions – matter is more ephemeral. None of us are robots, and we are completely unable to control emotions completely. The only thing we can do is accept them, feel them, try to understand and work on those that can harm us.
Denying your emotions or hiding is not an option. Our task is to understand them and not to deceive ourselves.
We all know this feeling: “All or nothing.” Even internally understanding that it looks like a child, we’ll still be stubborn: either we get what we want, or nothing is needed. Halftone, middle – do not recognize. This is especially acute in love.
Yes, it really requires full commitment. Love should be “to the fullest”, otherwise why is it all? That’s how it is, but not quite. The fact is that in doing so, we often forget that we should not only give, but also receive. You must feel loved, feel caring and warm. Do not forget about yourself for a minute when you love another.
“And if the heart is tired of love, then why all this?”, Mario Benedetti.
The fact is that when you forget about yourself, you can love – no one argues. But this feeling will be destructive for you. Like blindfolded love. You are deceiving yourself and not able to see reality. Over time, you begin to believe in what you have created in your imagination. And so much that it becomes your reality.
Such relationships do not just destroy and make you unhappy. If you think about it, they do not exist at all.
Nothing justifies such love
If you find yourself in a situation similar to the one we just described, it can be very difficult to break out of the captivity of fantasies and illusions. This is because people tend to choose the path of least resistance. The fact is that eking out such a relationship is much easier than telling yourself the truth and changing anything.
By the way, it is possible that you, on a subconscious level, prefer to deceive yourself, because this parallel reality does not hurt. Blessed is he who does not know …
However, this cannot go on forever. Sooner or later, awareness of what is happening will come. Nothing is surprising in the fact that you are scared, no. No one wants to admit even to himself that they do not like him. But to face your own fear and call the demons by their proper names is necessary. Because nothing justifies such love: neither your desire to be next to this person, nor his “exclusivity”, nor imaginary “stability”.
Do not torment yourself and do not be tortured. It’s not your fault at all – such a relationship. And you are not a victim at all. You simply are near a person who does not suit you. Not because you’re not good enough or deserve the best. Everything is much simpler: many people go through this. Many people are fooling themselves. It is important to realize that nothing justifies such love.
After all, by doing so you voluntarily give up freedom and joy. What are the prospects for such a relationship? Only distrust, deceit and pretense.
You can be yourself with someone who truly loves you.
What if you can’t stop deceiving yourself? If you have invented love for yourself and do not want to part with such a sweet illusion? Here your emotions will come to the rescue. They will help to understand what is happening, and also to realize whether you are in harmony with yourself real.
For example, most of the time you are sad and worried. After all, it’s not about such “love” that you dreamed, were you? There is no doubt that you, like any person, want to have fun and enjoy life. Even if by some miracle one manages to pretend to be happy, sadness does not go away. She lives somewhere at the bottom of your heart, eats away the soul … But I want a completely different thing: openness, lightness, the ability to walk next to someone in life and feel the touch of her native shoulder.
“When we open ourselves – I am you, and you are me, when we are immersed in each other – I am in you, and you are in me, when we are forgotten in each other’s arms – I am in yours, and you are in mine, only then I – it’s me, and you are you, ”an unknown author.
Therefore, our relationship is not only very important and should bring joy, they also open up a wonderful opportunity – to finally become ourselves. To gain authenticity. Become real.
They should help us accept ourselves. As we are. Therefore, reciprocity is so important: when you are loved just like you, then wings grow behind your back. You feel extraordinary freedom and do not worry that you will violate your borders.
Loving people very subtly feel each other. Next to them is calm and safe. You don’t need to deceive yourself anymore. Come up with love and joy. Do you know why? Because you have all this! And you can’t confuse this feeling with anything!
True love comes with the realization that you deserve love. What do you accept yourself? That you will succeed.
Deceiving love – Relationships in which we deceive ourselves
Unfortunately, there is fake love. Deceiving. She is like a mirage, reach out and disappear.
Such love does not allow us to remain ourselves. We are not just fooling ourselves, we are also pretending to believe in this lie. How, then, to be real? Here we play someone else’s role in someone else’s movie. The most annoying thing is that nobody needs it. Neither to us, nor to the person whom we love.
As a result, instead of growing and becoming a better version of ourselves through love, we drive ourselves into a cage.
How are such relationships manifested? We will describe several types of this type of “love”:
1. Love that is meant to fill the void inside
This is one of the most common mistakes: no one is obligated to “fill you up,” and vice versa. In other words, you yourself are responsible for your own life, which means that you yourself must color it. You must learn to be happy independently of each other. This is the fundamental foundation of any relationship.
The fact is that love, like happiness, cannot be sought. They come by themselves. And then, when you least expect it. And if you are trying at all costs to get love to fill the existential void, then this is a waste of time. You will not find love, and emptiness will gap a terrible hole in your heart.
2. Love is like a one-way road
Love, whatever it is, always requires the participation of two people. At the moment when one of the partners “leaves the game”, the relationship is immediately destroyed.
Love is not something that a rare guest comes to in certain moments. It either exists or not. Never forget that.
“I can swear one thing: having fallen in love with your wings, I will never want to cut them,” – Carlos Miguel Cortes.
3. Love addiction – Relationships in which we deceive ourselves
No one argues that any relationship requires freedom and personal space. Otherwise, they will simply wither. Therefore, addiction in love is a sign of a very unhealthy and toxic relationship. Never fall in love with people who are sure that you are nothing without them.
You were before meeting them and you will be after. And you are beautiful no matter what they think about it. Therefore, if in one day they leave your life, the world will not collapse. You will remain the same. And you will still be happy. Just not with another person.
4. Idealized love
If you build your partner almost at the level of God and idealize everything, then this is also not loving. You must respect and love for virtues, but also not close your eyes to shortcomings. After all, we are all human beings: whoever does not have them. It is important to learn how to be happy in a relationship, not trying to finish what is not there.
5. Love comparison
This is a relationship that you constantly compare with the previous ones (usually very unsuccessful) to justify what is happening now. Thus, you turn a blind eye to deception, falsehood and disrespect only because “it was worse before.”
6. Passive-aggressive relationship
This is “love” when partners practically do not communicate or exchange barbs. It would be naive to believe that such a format of relations can be called love. True love consists in sharing everything with each other, listening, hearing, listening. Not only to quarrel, but always to come, hug and smile.
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