Important lessons learned from bad relationships. To leave and surrender is not the same thing …
We often exit previous relationships with a huge emotional burden that can negatively affect future relationships. But if you look at it from a different angle and begin to perceive the bad experience as something positive, then you can learn from it many valuable life lessons.
Above all, don’t give up! You can learn a lot from a bad relationship. The knowledge gained in this way will help you do the right thing when the right person appears on the horizon.
What lessons are you talking about?
1. We learn to recognize alarm bells – lessons learned from bad relationships
Wake-up calls are signals that indicate the approach of something bad. Sometimes they are very clear, and sometimes not. Often we do not pay attention to them, and then this leads to disaster.
What might such a signal look like?
Some of them are very thin. Perhaps he often mentions his ex or has a bad relationship with your mother. Perhaps he cannot find a permanent job or refuses to discuss serious problems.
Other signals are more obvious: he tells you that he does not want a serious relationship or does not plan to have children. Perhaps he asks you to stop being friends with your friends.
The meaning of disturbing calls is that we, as a rule, see them, but prefer to ignore them or try to find an excuse. Let’s hope that a bad relationship will still help you understand that if you look at the alarming bells from the very beginning, then in the future you can avoid unnecessary suffering.
2. What you should not do – lessons learned from bad relationships
One of the lessons that a bad relationship can teach you is the ability to determine what the next time is definitely not worth doing.
Often people in all their relationships do the same thing, which is why they are always forced to experience a painful breakup.
As a rule, we tend to take into personal account everything that happens in a relationship. If my boyfriend comes home late, then he doesn’t love me. If he does not clean his dirty things, then he does not respect me. If he forgot about my birthday, then I mean nothing to him.
And although in some cases such conclusions are really true, in most situations what people do is connected not with another person, but with carelessness or misunderstanding. Therefore, you should not take things too close to your heart – the matter is not only in you.
In addition, in relationships, people are often prone to display passive-aggressive behavior and confrontation. Instead of confronting the problem face-to-face, we prefer to release sarcastic comments, hoping that the other person will find out about our discontent and take some action.
Moreover, we continue to fan the problem, inflicting thousands of small cuts on the relationship, until the partner finally loses interest in us. And these are just two types of behavior that spoil relationships. But there are others …
Take a good look at what role you play in your relationship. Bad relationships are rarely caused by the behavior of only one of the partners. Think about what you yourself are to blame.
3. Permissiveness is not a concern – lessons learned from bad relationships
Have you ever had a bad relationship that you struggled to keep with your care?
Many women believe that if they indulge their beloved, then they will be fine. Being patient to constant delays of a partner at work, or turning away when he misses a third glass of vodka at dinner, we thereby convince ourselves that our patience will not go unnoticed, that he will still love us and that his behavior can be changed .
Unfortunately, such “support” is, rather, permissiveness, which by no means benefits relations. If you continue to turn a blind eye to the way he drinks, ignores you because of his work or breaks down because of his self-doubt, then you show him that this behavior is quite normal. And if it is normal, then there is no point in changing anything in it.
If your partner’s actions upset you, stop encouraging them. Either discuss them with him, or leave.
4. The personal qualities of your ideal partner – lessons learned from bad relationships
One of the most obvious lessons from a failed relationship is determining how you want your partner to be.
Even if we continue to hold on to the unsuitable man for us, we still see all his shortcomings. Therefore, we realize that we would like to see in an ideal partner, if it were in our power to change him.
Personally, I was deeply in love with a guy who doubted himself very much. He wanted to please everyone around him, he had an explosive character, a lot of fears, and he often changed jobs. I loved him, although I suffered.
When I finally left him, I decided that I would only look for a confident, patient, kind and reliable guy. I knew exactly what I needed, and in the end I found such a man.
What do you want from your boyfriend?
5. To leave and surrender is not the same thing.
Many do not leave their partner because they do not want to give up. But the relationship has two sides, and if only one of them tries, or if what two people are doing is not enough, this does not mean giving up. You can control only your own efforts, but not strangers in any way. And if your partner does nothing at all, then you are definitely not giving up.
Therefore, if you are afraid to “give up”, do not! Remember that you have the right to refuse unhappy love and leave with a proudly raised head, knowing that you did everything possible for her.
6. How strong are you
Those who managed to survive an unsuccessful relationship (and this ultimately turns out for each of us), realize the degree of their strength. So, having enough willpower to let go of toxic love, you thereby regain the power that you could lose in the struggle to maintain an unsuccessful relationship.
Talk to someone who managed to break out of this vicious circle, and you will see a really sad person who, however, feels strong enough because he could do it.
Getting away from a toxic partner is incredibly difficult. Do it and you will feel much stronger than before.
7. Lonely is better than unhappy
One of the things that can become apparent in an unhealthy relationship is the fact that it’s better to be alone than with someone who humiliates you. There is nothing worse than enduring the suffering caused by the toxicity of love from day to day. You wake up with this pain, live with it all day, and go to bed with it in the evenings.
Being lonely, you can spend all your time lying on the couch and reviewing the entire Game of Thrones, and this time is entirely yours. You can do whatever you want. And although loneliness sometimes makes you feel miserable, I assure you, this is no worse than spending days with a toxic partner.
Learning from the experience of toxic love is the key to gaining true love. Learn from your failures and keep moving forward towards happiness.
You will surely succeed, because somewhere out there real love is waiting for you!
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