How to start loving people more
There is no shortage of tips on how to please others, no. It’s enough to drive a query into the search line and you risk drowning in tons of information: research, entertaining and popular science articles, lists of specific steps and other guidelines for action. But perhaps the main secret is extremely simple: for others to reach for us, we ourselves should like people – and the more people, the better.
In any case, the researcher of behavior and the author of the book “The Science of Communication. How to read emotions, understand and find a common language with people. ”Vanessa Van Edwards. And what exactly does she advise? Each time, leaving home, set yourself a “reminder”: you should like as many people as possible.
The idea may sound so-so, but it even works. We are accustomed to believing that for the most part relationships are beyond our control: the other either elicits a response from us or not. But often we ourselves do not understand that we influence a lot – or we can influence it. And if you make at least a little effort, it turns out that loving people is not so difficult. And then the doors to the world of new acquaintances, relationships – friendly and romantic – and other social ties will open before us.
TALK ABOUT THE STRENGTHS OF OTHERS – How to start loving people more
Meeting new people, many of us are fixated on what exactly we are going to say, and miss the most effective way of building a dialogue. Start a conversation about the strong qualities of the interlocutor – and the conversation will go smoothly.
Be curious. Instead of the standard “what are you doing” ask: “If you didn’t need to be here this evening, what would you do?” Such questions will allow your interlocutor to start talking about their interests and hobbies.
REFLECT ON RELATIONSHIPS – How to start loving people more
We learn introspection by keeping a diary or simply thinking about our own thoughts, feelings and experiences in order to calculate our behavioral patterns. The same applies to our social awareness. After talking with people, ask yourself a few questions. How was the conversation? What did you find out? What did you like in the interlocutors? Did you listen or talk more? Have you interrupted others? Have you lost your temper? Did you try to be as open-minded as possible to your interlocutors?
JUST LET OTHERS KNOW YOU LIKE THEM
In the book Psychology of Influence, Robert Cialdini explores the success story of Joe Girard, who entered the Guinness Book of Records as the most successful car salesman and later became a motivational speaker and coach. Girard noticed and actively used the fact that if you show another how much you like him, in nine out of ten cases the interlocutor will reciprocate.
Each month, Girard wrote letters to each of his clients by hand: he asked about how things were going, about the children – calling everyone by name. So he made it clear to customers that they were important to him.
Let others understand how important friendship with them is for you. Ask about what’s important to themselves. Introduce them to like-minded people. Hardly anything can be more conducive to building long-term relationships.
You do not have to love everyone in a row – just as everyone does not have to love you in a row. But if you want to lead a life full of meaning and build a successful career, you need to learn how to please others. And to do this is much easier if you yourself find reasons to love them.