Relations after the wedding: how to maintain mutual respect and love
What is a wedding? Everyone puts too different categories into this concept. For some, a wedding is a very serious step that changes their whole lives. For others, this is nothing more than a convention, which is needed for socialization, and not for personal relationships. One way or another, and the wedding, indeed, is the event for both newlyweds, which changes their lives radically. Often people are not ready for such major changes – serious problems arise that lead first to a broken relationship, and then to family breakdown.
Why are there problems in the relationship between a man and a woman after the wedding?
Is there any way to overcome them? How to Maintain mutual respect and love
1. Family obligations – Maintain mutual respect and love
Marriage is a whole host of responsibilities towards a wife, a child, if one has already been born, and a household. Very often young people are simply psychologically not ready to sacrifice the freedom that they had before the wedding. This process is especially painful for men, since a woman is by nature created for the hearth. Although for some women, the home cell is sometimes simply unbearable.
What is the difficulty of family obligations for spouses?
2. Full reporting – Maintain mutual respect and love
Firstly, full accountability in their actions: where he was (at) in such and such a period of time, with whom, what he was doing (s), why he did not call (s), etc. You have to answer all these inevitable questions, because after the wedding no one else belongs to yourself: the stamp in the passport constantly reminds you are someone’s husband (or someone else’s wife). Any step to the right or left without the knowledge of the second half is regarded as an attempt to cheat. The constant control of many annoying.
Moreover, psychologists very confidently testify that usually those who really have something to hide are tensing about this. If a person is aimed at real family relationships in which love, trust and mutual understanding will reign, he will not even allow such questions with his behavior. To avoid them, you just need to show your spouse that you can trust, that relationships are open and the highest value is family and priceless relationships. You just need to try to call more often to eliminate unnecessary questions and not to disturb your loved one in vain. And if there is no possibility to call, type a couple of lines in SMS – and all problems will be resolved.
3. Friends Limit – Maintain mutual respect and love
Secondly, the circle of former friends and acquaintances is narrowing significantly after the wedding. This is due to the fact that they have less time left and those, as a rule, are offended. In addition to this reason, the other half may not like those friends who surround the husband (or wife). This is a very serious reason, which leads to frequent quarrels in the first months of marriage after the wedding. The wife regains the right to phone calls with her friends when the meat burns on the stove. And the husband at the same time reels fishing rods with friends just when he needs to go to his mother.
What to do in such situations?
Of course, you should not immediately run and get divorced. As soon as such an unpleasant incident occurs, the newlyweds need to sit side by side, hold each other’s hands and talk peacefully – without irritation and aggression. One of the main qualities in marriage is the autonomy of each spouse. Each of them should have that island of freedom, where he should at least occasionally rest from family life. If both spouses understand the wisdom and practicality of this little secret of family life, many of the problems of their family life will recede into the background.
You can agree that once a month (for example) at the weekend, the husband leaves for fishing with friends, and his wife visits her mother or beloved girlfriend. You will see: after such a small separation, the relationship will become even stronger. that once a month (for example) at the weekend, the husband goes fishing with friends, and his wife visits her mother or beloved girlfriend. You will see: after such a small separation, the relationship will become even stronger. that once a month (for example) at the weekend, the husband goes fishing with friends, and his wife visits her mother or beloved girlfriend. You will see: after such a small separation, the relationship will become even stronger.
4. Lack of free time
Thirdly, almost all of their free time will need to be devoted to the family, and many newlyweds are simply not ready for this: in the evenings I want to hang out with friends, to sit with my mother in the father’s house in the afternoon, where everything is so familiar and cozy. If marriage is not a simple formality, but a relationship based on love, it will be easy to refuse such a pastime. If one of the spouses is too drawn to the street or can’t tear herself away from her mother’s skirt in any way, family life can burst at the seams. Most often in the evenings a woman is left alone at home.The only way out is to either join the spouse’s lifestyle and walk with him always and everywhere, or sit down and categorically come to a common decision on this issue.
5. The problem of family leadership
Unfortunately, very often relations between spouses come to a standstill, because none of them is inferior to the palm in the relations: who should solve all the issues, whose voice in the dispute will be decisive, and many other small household questions that require an answer to the question:
who is the boss in the family?
A man by nature is the master, the head of the family, a strong half. Due to this natural feature, he begins to swing rights on the very first day of marriage. It is good if the husband has a head on his shoulders and he can be responsible for his actions and actions. Then a woman can easily give him the leading role in the family.
If God refused the husband practicality and adaptability to life, and he still tries to dictate his conditions, completely absurd and inapplicable to life, the wife should be smarter and more cunning. This is the whole art: learn to be the very neck that controls the head. Learn to pass off your ideas as his thoughts, so that he believes in his originality and his intellect. If the wife begins to climb on the rampage and argue with her husband, one can make an unambiguous conclusion: a family in which spouses do not listen to each other is doomed to collapse. Learn to listen to each other, understand, respect – only then it will become clear and understandable that spouses are a single whole, two full-fledged halves of one organism, and talking about who is in charge in the family is absurd.
Another pure pitfall in relations after the wedding is connected with this purely psychological nuance, which is more related to more women than men: an irresistible desire to remake a spouse “for oneself,” as they say. A kind of family Procrustean bed. Women have a parenting program, which says: “I will definitely redo it!” She is sure that after the wedding wean her husband to drink, smoke, go to bars with friends. She is trying to create the ideal image that has been sitting in her head since childhood, but which is often very far from reality. This alteration turns into torture.
Moreover, if we take into account the psychology of a man who wants to see a meek, obedient, sweet person in his newly-made wife, but in reality he gets a kind of formidable teacher who torments with his demands and requests. All this negatively affects family relationships.
How to calm a wife?
There is only one way out of a man – to try to explain to her that educational measures at this age are already useless. But to eliminate this cause of quarrels and scandals, only a woman can, if she is wise enough for this. It is necessary not to break her husband, but to create such conditions for him that he himself would like to quit drinking, smoke, and sit at home instead of beer houses.
This is hard work, but the results are amazing. and to create such conditions for him that he himself would like to quit drinking, and smoke, and sit at home instead of beer houses. This is hard work, but the results are amazing. and to create such conditions for him that he himself would like to quit drinking, and smoke, and sit at home instead of beer houses. This is hard work, but the results are amazing.There are many couples in which the man after the wedding significantly changed his lifestyle, and they can not be called henpecked, as this decision is their personal, dictated by the desire to please his wife and live for the family.
Life after the wedding – Maintain mutual respect and love
Unfortunately, many problems in the relationship between husband and wife are dictated by ordinary everyday moments, which are very difficult to get used to. If before all the household issues were decided by parents, now they have to build a family life themselves. Wanted freedom? Get it – solve all the problems yourself!
So what can be a serious reason for a family quarrel based on everyday life?
1. Family budget
Firstly, the most pressing household issue is the family budget. It is good if the newlyweds have stable financial support from the outside – for example, parents throw up the missing amount. And if the budget has to be formed exclusively independently, underwater reefs are waiting at every step: young people do not have experience and experience yet – salaries will be low. Faced with a lack of money for family needs, spouses tend to look for the reasons for this in each other – this is how joint reproaches begin, which lead to a serious breakdown in relations.
It is very difficult to calculate a deficit-free budget from the monthly funds that a young family has. But it is precisely in this period of time that so much is needed for the arrangement of a joint economy. And if the matter is complicated by the presence of a child, financial difficulties can develop into a real family tragedy. And apart from patience and wisdom, there is nothing to advise. The only recommendation is to try not to reduce this problem to individuals. You need to understand that this is a joint problem and it needs to be solved only together. It is necessary to get as far as possible from reproaches that can hurt a loved one for life. Well, of course, you need to look for additional sources of income, if it is sorely lacking.
2. Household duties
Secondly, a breakdown in relations is made by the division of household responsibilities. This is exactly the notorious situation when the husband considers it less than his dignity to take out the bin, but lying on the couch with his newspaper, cigarette and beer upside down is the thing. Such unpleasant moments can be avoided in only two ways.
The first way for a woman is to choose her husband at the right time, so as not to cry with bitter tears later, what a lazy person he is and a swatter.
The second way to eliminate quarrels about this is to not break the service presented for the wedding at the first skirmish, but sit down and try to peacefully resolve the conflict. You just need to agree immediately who takes on what responsibilities at home. Only in this way is it possible to avoid domestic quarrels that can form a serious crack in the relationship.
3. Spouses appearance
Thirdly, everyday problems are often very purely aesthetic in nature: the change of the romantic image of both spouses to a very prosaic and unsightly. A miniskirt and a topic with a deep neckline abruptly change to a bathrobe, even the cutest one. At the same time, an interesting and athletic guy turns into an ordinary husband in shorts, a T-shirt and dirty socks. Couples who had the experience of cohabiting before the wedding can easily endure such an unexpected transformation of partners, but some couples are not at all ready for this.
How to survive this small but rather annoying misunderstanding?
The secret is simple: often tell your spouse about how beautiful he or she is, even in home clothes and without makeup. This is the most effective tool for the first time, while the couple move away from such a shock condition.And one more recommendation for beginning spouses: even at home you still need to take care of yourself and not allow yourself to turn into gray townsfolk. for your soulmate you need to be the best and most beautiful always, anywhere, anytime, and even more so – at home, when the atmosphere itself has an atmosphere of sensuality and love.
4. Personal characteristics of each spouse
Very often, relationships after the wedding deteriorate due to the fact that the character of each spouse begins to unfold.
Psychology of man and woman
Firstly, the priorities with marriage are changing. Before the wedding, the main task of the man is to conquer the woman. After marriage, this goal comes to naught – he does not need to show off anymore, hide his shortcomings. A woman before the wedding wants to get the man into legal husbands – accordingly, she does everything for this, and after the wedding there is no need to conquer him. This is the main mistake of most newlyweds. Not everyone knows one worldly wisdom: love is an exhausting everyday work that requires special strength. His husband (or wife) must be sought all his life in order to live happily in a legal marriage. Therefore, in no case, after the wedding, you can not put your “I” at the forefront and discover all your flaws in front of your soul mate. On the contrary: the emergence of a family should be the starting point for self-improvement for the sake of that love.
5. Own family traditions
Secondly, each of the spouses after the wedding is trying to impose a family model inherent in his house. Naturally, there is a clash of two worldviews and homebuildings: one dictates some rules, the second – completely opposite. Moreover, the clashes concern a wide variety of household details, which soon exhausts both newlyweds.
What to do in this case? First of all, listen to each other and choose together the most rational solution. If both options are logical and the argument is only in taste, you just need to agree that this time the salad should be seasoned with mayonnaise, as the husband suggests, and the next – with vegetable oil, as the wife does. You can always find a common solution so that no one is offended. But resentment, reproaches, scandals and quarrels – this is a separate topic for discussion.
Maintain mutual respect and love
6. Clash of characters
Thirdly, the clash of characters and individual characteristics of the nervous system of each determine the nature of the conflicts, without which not a single family can do. Why in some families – peace and quiet, and in others – broken plates and broken windows? It’s just the characters. How does the scandal happen? It all starts with some annoying little thing that annoys one of the spouses. Irritation often translates into a form of rebuke, in response to which the other half will react in defense. The skirmish inflames both participants, who can easily lose their temper and in such an aggressive state tell each other the most terrible things that just at such moments crawl out from under the consciousness. Later, after cooling down, the scandal participants understand that you can’t return what was said and it can be very embarrassing for your behavior, but nothing can be changed. The psychology of man is so arranged that the most offensive things, especially if they are said by a loved one, are remembered for a long time and can become the beginning of some serious complex.
How do some families manage to avoid tantrums and scandals?
Due to the peaceful and calm nature of one of the spouses – this is the true reason. When one spouse tries to smooth out the conflict and does not want to participate in it, the second spouse will have no choice but to calm down and already talk in a normal environment.
But what if both are impulsive and incendiary?
There is one simple rule for this case. It is enough to know one of the spouses. When the situation gets out of control, when lightning is about to start throwing, just turn around and leave the room in which the quarrel takes place. You can go to the balcony or close in another room, but the best option is to go outside. just 10 minutes. This time will be enough to breathe fresh air, which will calm the nerves and sober up hot thoughts.And the second spouse during this time will have time to cool down and realize what happened.
Maintain mutual respect and love
7. Relationship with parents – Maintain mutual respect and love
Unfortunately, today, when the housing issue in the country is very acute and the newlyweds have to live in the same apartment with someone else’s parents, this factor becomes the obvious or hidden cause of many divorces. Tensions are understandable from a psychological point of view. It is difficult for each family to come to terms with the fact that now their son (or daughter) is an independent branch that belongs to another person. you will not envy the one (one) who will have to live in an enemy camp: most likely, any word, any action will be misinterpreted, they will find a catch and a negative meaning in everything. In this conflict there are no right and guilty – here nature acts. Newlyweds were tied in one piece by love, and why should it bind them to families? What to do? The most obvious way out is a separate housing, even if it’s rented, when it comes to saving the family. You can somehow do without a mink coat or a foreign car. At first, you can walk in a regular coat and ride on our domestic auto industry. But how good it is when there is no one superfluous in the house and no one dictates his rules and does not blame all mortal sins!
However, even if the newlyweds live in a separate apartment, they still have to communicate with their parents – there are joint holidays, and just out of respect for the parents of your beloved little man, you can go for a couple of hours in an undesirable company. It is necessary in such cases to try to give them maximum attention and be extremely kind with them: these are the rules of good form. In no case should the scandal be inflated, even if there is a provocation of purest water. It must be remembered that then this scandal will smoothly flow into the newlyweds’ house.