funny jokes for

Dirty Jokes That Will Make You Laugh Way Harder Than You Should

Have you ever heard the funny jokes for the situation that are as funny as they are offensive? 

Here is the list of dirty funny jokes for an inappropriate situation but these dirty jokes are so funny they will make you laugh way harde

What’s the difference between a woman with PMS and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist.

What’s the difference between a g-spot and a golf ball?
A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

Why did the sperm cross the road?
“because i put on the wrong sock this morning.” 

What did the sanitary napkin say to the fart?
You are the wind beneath my wings

Q: did you hear about the Mexican racist?
A: he joined the que que que

What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?
Beat it. We’re closed.

What do you do when you come across an elephant in the jungle?
“wipe it off and say you’re sorry.”

What’s the difference between your dick and a bonus check?
Someone’s always willing to blow your bonus.

Why was the guitar teacher arrested?
For fingering a minor.

Why do mice have such small balls?
“so few of them know how to dance.” 

What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.

What do you do if your wife starts smoking?
“slow down and possibly use some lubricant.”

Why does Santa clause have such a big sack?
He only comes once a year.

A guy is sitting at the doctor’s office. “the doctor walks in: ‘sir; i have some bad news. I’m afraid you’re going to have to stop masturbating.’
Patient: ‘i don’t understand, doc. Why?’
Doctor: ‘because I’m trying to examine you.’ ” 

What’s the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.

How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.

What’s the best thing about fingering a gypsy on her period?
“you get your palm red for free.” 

What do the mafia and pussies have in common?
One slip of the tongue and you’re in deep shit.

What’s worse than ants in your pants?

How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?
As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.

What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?
Hold on to your nuts, this ain’t no ordinary blowjob.

What did the banana say to the vibrator?
Why are you shaking? She’s gonna eat me!

What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
“she gagged.” 

Why does dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
Because his wife died.

How do you know that you have a high sperm count?
“she has to chew before she swallows.” 

What’s the best part about sex with 28-year olds?
There are twenty of them.

Three tampons are sitting at a bus stop. What do they say to each other?
“nothing. They’re stuck up cunts.” 

What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?
You can unscrew a lightbulb.

If a midget tells you your hair smells nice…
“…is that sexual harassment?”

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?

What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?
A zit will wait until you’re twelve before it comes on your face.

how do you get a nun pregnant?
“dress her up as an altar boy.” 

How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the jaw.

What do a penis and a Rubik’s cubes have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

know what old pussy tastes like?
“eh. Depends.”  

What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts.

If women drink a glass of red wine, it increases the chance of a stroke.
“if she drinks the whole bottle, she might even give it a little suck.” 

What’s the best part about gardening?
Getting down and dirty with your hoes.

How do you find a blind man on a nude beach?
“…it’s not hard.”  

How is a girlfriend like a laxative?
They both irritate the shit out of you.

Why don’t pedophiles compete in races?
“they always come in a little behind.” 

What do you call the useless piece of skin on a dick?
The man.

Why does a mermaid wear seashells?
“because she outgrew her b-shells!”  

Why do vegetarians give good head?
Because they’re used to eating nuts.

What’s the difference between a lentil and a chickpea?
“I’ve never had a lentil on my chest.” 

What’s long and hard and full of semen?
A submarine.

Two deer walk out of a gay bar…
One says to the other, ‘man; i can’t believe i blew forty bucks in there!’” 

What’s the difference between your wife and your job?
After five years, your job will still suck.

A man is sitting at the bar, his head in his hands.
“bartender: what’s the matter buddy?

Why do walruses love a Tupperware party?
They’re always on the lookout for a tight seal.

What’s the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?
“the taste.”  

What’s the difference between your boyfriend and a condom?
Condoms have evolved: they’re not so thick and insensitive anymore.

What does Trisha put behind her ears to attract men?
“her ankles.”  

Why did God give men penises?
So they’d have at least one way to shut a woman up.

What did one lesbian vampire say to another lesbian vampire?
“same time next month?”  

What’s the difference between anal and oral sex?
Oral sex makes your day. Anal makes your hole weak.

What’s the worst part about going down on your grandmother?
“banging your head on the lid of the coffin.”  

What did the penis say to the vagina?
Don’t make me come in there!

A woman walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a double entendre.
“so he gives it to her.” 

What do a woman and a bar have in common?
Liquor in the front, poker in the back.

What’s the difference between hungry and horny?
“where you stick the cucumber.”  

What’s another name for a vagina?
The box a penis comes in.

What’s the difference between a pick-pocket and a peeping tom?
One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.

Why does dr. Pepper come in a can?
“because his wife died.” 

What do you call two jalapeños getting it on?
Fucking hot!

Three women are sitting at a bar arguing over who has the biggest vagina.
“the first girl says, ‘my boyfriend can fit a whole fist up there.’ the second girl says, ‘ha, my boyfriend can fit two fists and a foot.’ the third girl just smiles as she slides down the bar stool.” 

How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?
Call and tell her about it.

What do you call the lesbian version of a cock block?
“a beaver dam.”  

How is life like a penis?
Your girlfriend makes it hard.

What does a leper say after having sex with a prostitute?
“keep the tip.”  

Why do women have orgasms?
Just another reason to moan, really.

How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
Pick it up and blow it! 

What do you call a guy with a small dick?

What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Slow down. And possibly use a lubricant. 

What do you call a guy with a giant dick?

Did you hear about the short-sighted Moyle?
he got the sack 

What do you call someone who refuses to fart in public?
A private tutor.

Q: did you hear about the celebrity murderer?
A: he was shooting for the stars 

What do you call a virgin lying on a waterbed?
A cherry float.

Q: why is being in the military like a bj?
A: the closer you get to discharge, the better you feel. 

Know what a 6.9 is?
Another good thing screwed up by a period.

What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a pimple?
Pimples don’t come on a boy’s face until they’re 13. 

How is sex like a game of bridge?
If you have a great hand, you don’t need a partner.

What do you call crystal clear urine?

What do boobs and toys have in common?
They were both originally made for kids, but daddies end up playing with them.

Why wasn’t Jesus born in the USA?
Because God couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.

What do you call a herd of cows masturbating?
Beef strokin’ off.

What do you call an Afghan virgin?
never bin laid on 

What did the o say to the q?
Dude, your dick’s hanging out.

What do you get when you mix birth control and LSD?
A trip without kids.






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