6 phrases that make you feel guilty
A phrase thrown by chance in a conversation touches you for a living? Is it worth it to worry about? Sometimes such remarks mean nothing. “Sometimes it’s beneficial for the interlocutor to make you feel guilty (even nonexistent) to manipulate you,” explains psychologist. How to respond to such situations?
Manipulation. Remember how many times a month you play a grudge against your partner or friend, so that he, feeling guilty, fulfills your desires. This is the most typical, but far from the only example.
1. “AND THE OTHER MOTHERS WILL COME!” – Phrases that make you feel guilty
– The child declares in response to your refusal to come to a school holiday, a football match, a reporting concert of a music studio. You have a blockage at work, an annual report and ten more good reasons. However, you still feel guilty.
“It’s a matter of social pressure,” says psychologist. – Some mothers are actively involved in the life of the child. As a result, your son or daughter is not afraid to be like everyone else. And you, of course, worry too. ”
How to behave? Decide if you are ready to sacrifice work, a business meeting, or other plans for your child this time. If you can’t, promise to come next time. And then certainly fulfill the commitments. And this time a grandmother or aunt can go to school so that the child does not feel deprived of attention.
2. “AND THIS IS AFTER WHAT I HAVE DONE FOR YOU!” -Phrases that make you feel guilty
– Complains the father, mother or another elderly relative in response to the refusal to fulfill his request. In this situation, it is logical to feel guilty, because parents really put a lot of effort into your upbringing. And now you invest in your children. But it is your choice. Just as once sacrificing something for you was the choice of your parents.
How to behave? Try to tell your parents more often how you value them. And indulge whenever possible, without waiting for an insistent request. Then you can refuse in a particular situation without suffering guilty feelings.
3. “I SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT IT!”
– you are tormented, stuck in traffic and hopelessly late for an important meeting. “If you often repeat this phrase, then you are used to blaming yourself for everything. Although sometimes we are simply powerless in the face of circumstances, ”the psychologist explains. This behavior is counterproductive.
How to behave? Think about whether you could anticipate this traffic jam? And will help that you regret about this? Is it not more important to try to find a way out of the situation? For example, leave the car in the nearest parking lot and try to get to the right place by metro. Than blame yourself, it’s better to praise then for being able to find the right solution.
4. “IT IS NECESSARY THAT YOU HELP ME!”
– says a colleague when you are about to leave the office. “The word“ need ”makes you feel obligated to fulfill a duty. We were taught from childhood to help friends in a difficult situation. They suggested that a good person will always come to the rescue, ”the expert explains.
How to behave? Is your help really important in this situation? Why is a colleague asking you specifically? Can he handle it himself? And if you fail, how serious will the consequences be? Many factors influence the right decision in this situation. But most importantly, do not confuse friendships and relationships between colleagues.
5. “WE ALL KNOW HOW BUSY YOU ARE.” – Phrases that make you feel guilty
– A friend remarks ironically when you cancel a long-planned meeting. Sometimes hints, omissions, special intonation and a meaningful look hurt more directly expressed claims. And then you yourself conceive the degree of resentment of a friend and its causes.
How to behave? Talk frankly. Tell us why you can’t come. Perhaps he is not at all offended. Just do not start with an apology and do not try to make excuses. So you only show weakness. If the meeting was not the first time broken due to your busyness or forgetfulness, think about how to please a friend. For example, give him a pleasant surprise, send a nice card or song that you loved at school.
6. “YOU RELAXED A BIT”
– So delicately, your spouse hints that you have gained a couple of extra pounds. You know that now is not in shape, but it is your body. Why do you feel guilty? “In this case, it is born out of a conflict between the body you possess and the ideal figure that you have always dreamed of,” says psychologist. – Which of us would not want to be slim. But for this you need to diet and go to the gym. We do not do this and, therefore, are ashamed of our laziness. ”
How to behave? Instead of being ashamed or resentful of your partner for this objection, better discuss your relationship. What is the reason for his remark? Perhaps he is just worried? Afraid that you will lose your former lightness or that you may have health problems? Offer to start the struggle for harmony together. Eating right or going to the gym is more fun together.
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